Another Poetic Wednesday!

"Let your tears come. Let them water your soul. " ~Eileen Mayhew

"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears." ~John Vance Cheney

"I heard the teardrop hit my pillow before I even knew I was crying." ~Amborella Oltre


Many years ago I used to write every day. I even took writing classes through the mail. I was published in several magazines and really thought I would someday be a "real" writer. Which was my school girls dream. Then My life took some drastic turns and twists and in 1990 I laid aside my pen to deal with life! I never regretted my life. I enjoyed some of it! What I didn't enjoy I am still thankful for because it has made me who I am.. Then Last year Dave and I took a trip to the beach and on the way home I felt tears for no reason. I cried all the way home. Him constantly asking if I was OK.. By the time I got home a poem had already written itself in my mind. My first writing in a lot of years. Today I am including two poems. The last one that I wrote in 1990~ ( I can't believe I found this after all this time. I need to have a serious throwing out around here!) and the first one I wrote when I decided one fine day to take back my dream!


Trucker Husband

Many miles away
you sit in a truck stop
filled with women.
~ And I worry!

They feed you steak
and smell like french perfume
they refill your cup.
~ And I worry!

You look down from your window
at their mini-skirted thighs
zooming along the interstate.
~ And I worry!

The phone rings
late at night
and you're away~ somewhere.
~ And I worry!

But you need not worry!
Cause when the last load is delivered
and your eighteen wheels roll toward home.
I'll be there waiting.
For the love of my Trucker Husband!
written By: Patricia Sawyer

(Patricia Black Holder)
1-10-1990
~before the storm~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A Tear

A tear dropped from eye today.
Why it fell I can not say!
Was it what I heard,
that you had said?
Was it the thoughts of friends long dead?
Was it a warn of things to come?
Was it because of things I'd done?
He rolled away across my cheek:
He made me feel both small and meek.
I never did decide you see
just why that tear jumped out at me.
But as he dripped down from my chin
I felt the smile begin again.
For tears aren't always for the weak!
Each tear that falls will feed our strength.
And as I brushed that tear away,
I thanked my God for one more day!
For as that tear swept across my face,
He touched my heart and added space!
for Us to grow and change each day,
Sometimes a tear must pass our way.

written by:Patricia Black Sawyer
1-20-2008



We all have trials and troubles. My Daddy used to say
"The sun don't shine on the same dogs back all the time. Either the dog or
the sun one will move!" I thought for many years that Daddy was wrong.
I even kicked my dogs a few times. Hoping the sun would again shine on me.
Today I write something every day.. Not all of it is good.. I am taking several
writing classes on-line.. I never knew there were so many forms of poetry!
I am thankful for the hard times.. they give me emotions to draw on when I am
writing. Be thankful for every day.. for even days with tears are important.
Have a great day today if you can.. and if today brings you tears.. allow them to
build a rainbow with-in your soul!
Patsy

Happy Grandparents Day!

"Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old." ~Mary H. Waldrip

"Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet."
~Gene Perret

"You must teach your children that the ground beneath their feet is the ashes of your grandfathers. So that they will respect the land, tell your children that the earth is rich with the lives of our kin. Teach your children what we have taught our children, that the earth is our mothers. Whatever befalls the earth befalls the sons of the earth. If men spit upon the ground, they spit upon themselves." ~Seattle, Chief of the Duwamish, Suquamish and allied Indian tribes

Grandparents day is a modern holiday. It's another of those holidays made up to sell cards and gifts. I always forget about it unless some one reminds me or as in this year the inter-net reminds me. But in honor of the day I will talk about my own Grand-ma's a little bit. I'm sure I had Grand-pa's too.. I have even heard tales of them.. But they both died before I was born. I sadly missed out on those guys.

My Mama's Mother was Miss Janie Morris. Morris being the name of her third and last husband. Grandma was very particular about things. She was born a planters daughter and his favorite daughter at that. She was sent to a ladies school (Winthrop) to be educated as a teacher. Back then very few young women were educated. She came on the train to teach in a one room school house. It was there that she met My Grandfather and her first husband. He died very young leaving her to raise four children. She married twice after that but never lost her strong minded ways. I used to hate to go visit her because I knew with-out a doubt where I was going to be.. I was going to be sitting on the front step. She wouldn't get a switch or strike you with her hand....She firmly believed in the sitting on the step thinking about what you had done. My Uncle Robert told me that he never could figure that one out.. He said " Damn! she walloped hell out of me and Roberta : and she treats y'all like y'all's ass is glass." He then added that she didn't whip Aunt Dot nor Uncle JC either so maybe their "asses were glasses" too.. I can only assume that he got both his language and his sense of humor from My Grand-father. I assure you she wouldn't have laughed like we did.

She could sew like no one else though.. Making us special dresses for special occasions. She sewed for the public is what she called it. I remember sitting on the steps and looking through the window into her bedroom where she sewed.. she would be bent over the machine working away and humming Hymns to herself. I asked her once if she could make doll clothes and she laughed at me.. saying I was foolish.. "Go sit on the step till you can think of something smart to say!" Needless to say I sat there till time to go home.

But the following month was my 6th Birthday and she brought me a beautiful handmade rag doll in a bright red dress and a perky little hat. . Handing it to me she said " I can do anything I set my mind to and so can you... Take care of this doll to remind you of that." Janie Jane the doll sits right here where I work.. Just in case I need reminding. Grandma did so many things she went to college and taught school. She raised a family and sewed for the public. Her second Husband owed a store and she ran that too. In her older years she worked for the town as a clerk and ran the water office and still she sewed. If she wanted to go somewhere she got in her car and went. She spoke her mind. She even danced a jig that she made up herself.. her own happy dance. She also made the best pound cake and divinity fudge there ever was.. I learned from her that you can indeed do anything you set your mind too.

My Daddy's Mama was Grandma Black. Her real Name was Mozelle. They say I am very much like her. I think I look like her. Grandma Black was a very earthy person. She loved the outside. She too could sew but mostly she sewed quilts for everyone. When she lived in the big house we kids would lay under the quilting frames and listen as the grown ups talked to each other. She kept a quilt in the frames all the time ~ when she wasn't sewing on it she would pull it up to the ceiling on Pulley's and tie it off. Grandma kept chickens in a pen outside. She loved cats but they were outside too.

When her youngest son Married a Lady with three girls, Grandma gave them her house and moved to a little cottage in the woods. She carried her Iron bed; quilting frames and her chickens with her.Once me and Jimmy were at Grandma's house. I'm pretty sure Mama and Daddy had gone to get school supplies for the rest of the crew. Sheron came up the dirt road and told me and Jimmy that she knew where a snake was. Jimmy was excited about that and grabbed a big rock as they ran away to kill it. I followed along and got there just as Jimmy bashed him on the head.. I tried to tell that to Grandma as she was coming out of the woods ~with a switch already in her hand~ But it didn't matter to her. She switched us all a few times on our skinny little legs.. Running Sheron back through the woods to her house and me and Jimmy back up the dirt road to her cottage.

"You don't kill things" she said as she switched our legs.. "You only kill what you need to eat. If everyone killed anything they wanted to the world would be out of whack!" She didn't send us to sit on the steps.. she just said that next time she would tell our Daddy. When we all got back to her house and she washed our faces clear of tears~ she talked to us about nature being balanced and that we had killed a rat snake. I was afraid for a long time that the rats would take over....

Grandma wore a Bonnet and an apron always. The apron was magical. It had a special pocket that held an endless supply of chewing gum and mints. Whatever anyone needed would magically appear from her tiny apron pocket. Tissues for dirty faces and running noses or crying eyes~ a button and sewing needle to fix a shirt~ a few coins for a cold coke. I wanted that apron for myself. When she died they gave me her bonnet~ I really wanted that apron!

A few years before she died Uncle Emmett moved Grandma into a small Trailer almost in his Back yard. They brought along her chickens but she had long since passed the quilt frames on to my Mama. Grandma loved it there except that she was no longer surrounded by the woods. So she grew her own. Grandma could be found most days chopping around in her yard with a hoe. Planting something to feed the Belly or to feed the soul. She grew flowers and tomatoes and cucumbers all there together. Crowded in where ever something would fit. I reckon that's where I get my gardening style. I learned so many things from her. I learned from her that understanding is the hard part.. "Just accept" she said "it's a whole lot easier." I think she meant that for most things in life~ She also taught me how to Bake the very best lemon pies!

Both of My grandma's endured many hardships. They lived through things we can only imagine.
They were very different from each other and yet I believe they respected each other. I never saw them quarrel. One watched Lawrence Welk and one didn't really understand the concept of TV. ... One highly educated and one Barely educated and yet they both were very smart women. They raised my parents. They helped raise us.. They did a great Job! I hope to be as good of a grandmother to my own grandchildren.

If you have a Grandma ~ call her up and say Hi. It will mean more than you know to her.
If you are a grandmother~ Plan a special walk or talk with your grandchildren. Talk them about things that were part of your world but will not be a part of theirs. Tell them about life when your Grandma was young. Share with them of yourself. Have a great day!
Patsy

Wednesday Again!?!

"To have great poets there must be great audiences too." ~Walt Whitman~

"Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history." ~Plato~

"A poem begins with a lump in the throat." ~Robert Frost~

"Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. " ~Carl Sandburg~



I hope you enjoy today's poem. Please feel free to comment on my blog.
I promise I don't bite! (Much!)



Shadow Dance

Did you ever see a shadow
walking on your heels?

Did you ever turn around
and try to chase him down?

Did you offer him your hand
ask him to dance?

Share with him your heart..
are you scared to take the chance?

Did you hide inside your head
all the things you wished to say?

Did you ask the Lord in Prayer
can I have another day?

If you had another day
would you let your body sway?

Would you open up your heart
to let others see a part.

Would you share with him a smile
as you walk another mile?

Would you freely take a chance?
would you let your shadow dance?

Would you laugh.. would you share..
would you cry.. would you dare?

To live.. to love..
to soar.. to cry..
just try!

Let it fly!
Love; Live
Take the chance!
Let your shadow dance!


By: Patricia Sawyer
written:2-23-1999


When I was a little girl I used to love to see my shadow on the ground. I would make it dance and jump and run. For some reason it always brought me great pleasure to let my shadow dance.It was like I was happy inside and out. The next time you see your shadow~ on the ground or on another surface ~ hop or skip or jump.. do something to let the child inside know you are aware of them.. Let your shadow dance and enjoy a few steps with them.. Hopefully it will leave you feeling refreshed and happy~ But, if nothing else it will give any watchers a smile.. Have a wonderful Day!
Patsy

A poetic Wednesday! ~ Motherhood~

"Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing. "
~Toni Morrison, ~Beloved, 1987~

" Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials." ~Meryl Streep~

"The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
~Jill Churchill~





Motherhood Miles

I change the diapers
wash the pot
scrub the floors
dust "what-nots".

I kiss the "boo-boos"
scratch little backs
make the beds
Pack lunch sacks.

I patch the jeans
darn the socks
dry the tears
comb curly locks.

I drink tea
with teddy bears
put on their p.j.'s
and hear childish prayers.

The price might be sanity
paid in milky smiles
but there is NOTHING I would trade
for my motherhood miles!

Written By: Patricia Sawyer
4-12-1989

Today I have chosen quotes and a poem that fits my mood. I reckon I am missing them now that all the children are "grown" and gone. I try to offer advice sometimes but am quickly told they are grown. I am having a hard time learning "My Place" now that they are all adults. I now understand why My grandma said she had "got mad enough to spit" when my Aunt Lucy told her that she was grown. I hope and pray that I live long enough to hear a grandchild tell the same to my own Kids! I have felt like saying it to my own Mama; but I am smarter than that! She still has a stick somewhere I'm sure of it! And I'm too old to run. Besides she has been "grown" a whole lot longer than me and Just might know a little more than I do about life. Have a great Day! And remember grown don't mean much to your Mama!
Patsy

Oh to be 30 Again.

"When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like you parents." ~Blair Sabol ~



"After 30, a body has a mind of its own." ~ Bette Midler



"Everything I know I learned after I was thirty. " ~ Georges Clemenceau ~





Turning Thirty is a milestone we all dread for some obscure reason. Today My niece turns thirty. Ten days ago My oldest son turned thirty. I have been thinking about thirty for many days. I guess that with Anthony turning thirty I am beginning to feel old. I remember when I turned thirty. Wow I really am getting old!

I turned thirty on November 29th, 1989. Anthony was eleven years old and Cooper was fifteen months old and I was seven months along in the hardest of the three pregnancies. My then Husband was gone on a trip in his beloved eighteen wheeler and the three of us were at home in the trailer park. We lived in a tiny little trailer. You all know the kind I'm talking about. They are so cramped and small that you have to go outside to change your mind. I hated that trailer and that trailer park. I think about living there and some of the other places I have survived and I am so grateful for my home and my life now.

Anthony baked me a cake that day. It was chocolate with homemade raspberry jam for icing. He found a left-over candle and stuck it in the top. I think the candle was a number one. Saved from Coop's first cake. He also cooked supper for us that night as a gift to me. I had been at the neighbor's house visiting and letting Cooper run around with her son until dark. When I came home and smelled something cooking I began right away fussing. Anthony stepped out with my cake ~ dripping jam on the floor ~ and I simply cried as he sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY at the top of his young voice. He had also cooked Macaroni and cheese and hot dogs. But that cake with the jam dripping everywhere and the number one candle, shoved down into it's center, has always remained my best Birthday cake ever.

Would I go back to thirty? No way!! No how!! I don't envy the younger folks.. They still have so much to learn. At thirty they are really just beginning to figure things out. Phoebe and Anthony are smart. They most likely had it all figured out a long time ago. But things have a way of not always working out like we hoped. I know I thought I had life by the tail when I was thirty. Little did I know that my life was about to take some sharp turns. Many of them way beyond my control. Most of them at the time I felt were devastating. But for that one day~ in that one moment~ My world was perfect.


This year in just a few months now I will turn 49. Next year I will be half a hundred. Now y'all have to admit half a hundred sounds real, real old! So don't moan about being thirty. Enjoy it!
The night I turned thirty I danced with my children and ate hot dogs and Mac and cheese. We laughed and sang and got sticky with Raspberry jam. We sat on a tiny trailer porch and looked at the stars And that night as I Kissed my sons good-night I thanked God for giving me great kids and for letting me live to be as old as thirty!


Oh to be thirty again would mean I'd have to do it all again and I wouldn't choose that. But I will always cherish the memory of a young boy stepping proudly into the room as his changing voice squeaked and then rang out loudly with Happy Birthday. Holding tightly to his platter as his cake almost slipped from it's sweet bed of jam. That One candle Burning almost as bright as his eyes!
Cooper's baby hands clapping at the sight. My thirty~ My perfect night!

I have had many perfect nights in my life. I like to think that they will some day out weigh the not so perfect times. I don't even keep score any more of the good days and the bad days. That's something I quit back around the time I was thirty. After that I just survived the bad and enjoyed the good. And was thankful for both. Because what-ever doesn't kill you will only serve to make you stronger~ and I think I'm pretty strong!

Watch for blessings that may come your way. Enjoy your life what ever your age. Dance with your kids if you have them. Enjoy them and appreciate them. Be thankful for those perfect and the not so perfect moments. For every moment is a gift ~ every second special! And a chocolate cake with raspberry jam icing~ Perfect! Have a great day!
Patsy

Alaska- America's Last Frontier

“To the lover of wilderness, Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world.” ~ John Muir ~

The Arctic has a call that is compelling. The distant mountains [of the Brooks Range in Alaska] make one want to go on and on over the next ridge and over the one beyond. The call is that of a wilderness known only to a few...This last American wilderness must remain sacrosanct." ~William O. Douglas~

Outsiders first discovered Alaska On August 20th, 1741 when Danish explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from Siberia. I have never been to Alaska but I know people who have. The Army sent my brother, David, there many years ago. He hasn't said it to me in the exact words but I hear in his voice when he talks about it that he would love to go there again. One fellow who has been there many times in his life says to me that "it gets in a man"s blood, that beauty; that something special that never leaves you after you have been there."
I would love to see it someday for myself. I have seen pictures and even have video filmed by My dear Hubby's Dad when he was working there. I almost understand the idea of it seeping into your bloodstream and calling you back again and again. Happy Birthday Alaska!

Alaskan fast facts

~Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784.


~In 1867 United States Secretary of State William H. Seward offered Russia $7,200,000, or two cents per acre, for Alaska.

~On October 18, 1867 Alaska officially became the property of the United States. Many Americans called the purchase "Seward's Folly."


~Joe Juneau's 1880 discovery of gold ushered in the gold rush era.

~In 1943 Japan invaded the Aleutian Islands, which started the One Thousand Mile War, the first battle fought on American soil since the Civil War.


~Alaska officially became the 49Th state on January 3, 1959.

~Nearly one-third of Alaska lies within the Arctic Circle.

~The Alaska Highway was originally built as a military supply road during World War II.


~The discovery of gold in the Yukon began a gold rush in 1898. Later gold was discovered at Nome and Fairbanks.

~Alaska is a geographical marvel. When a scale map of Alaska is superimposed on a map of the 48 lower states, Alaska extends from coast to coast.


~Alaska is the United State's largest state and is over twice the size of Texas. Measuring from north to south the state is approximately 1,400 miles long and measuring from east to west it is 2,700 miles wide.

~Alaska's name is based on the Eskimo word Alakshak meaning great lands or peninsula.


Alaska
America's Largest State.
Land of the Midnight Sun.
An Anglers Dream.
Scenic; filled with wonderful beauty.
Kodiak Island; Alaska's Emerald Isle
America's Last Frontier

written by: Patricia Sawyer
8-20-2008

Enjoy the beauty of our world. Preserve it in every way that you can. Take the time to look at the sky and the trees. Be thankful that beauty surrounds us. Enjoy life. Have a great day!
Patsy

The Death of an Angel

"Think of your child; then, not as dead, but as living; not as a flower that has withered, but as one that is transplanted, and touched by a divine hand, is blooming in richer colors and sweeter shades than those on earth."
~ Richard Hooker~

“There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were." ~ Dwight David Eisenhower~


Can one ever Overcome the death of a child? I stood silently as so many people promised my friends that they would get over it in time. I wondered how many had lost a child? How many had Overcome the grief? I reasoned that there was nothing at all that I could do for my friends except be there for them if they needed me and try to do my part for the others who would need food and coffee and an occasional laugh as they visited us in a house full of tears and despair. For you see I do not understand. I still have my children. I can only imagine the depth of their grief. I have a very good imagination.. Their grief and despair I believe would reach deeper than any of us who have not suffered it could even begin to understand. Deeper than even my wild imagination.But Hopefully not deeper than My love for them and Kelby!


I always went in the door closest to him. I talked to him though many did not. I trusted that he understood me though he never answered me with words. I loved the light in his eyes when he would smile at something you whispered to him. I Loved the smile he shared with his Mother when she would sing to him. I loved to see him respond to his Daddy and sister. We will all miss him. But we are thankful for being allow to borrow a special one for such a short while.......



~The Death of an Angel~


Sorrow detonates.
Pulling at my sleeping form.
Oddly Humble.
In the Golden Light.
Why do I weep?


An earthy brook swirls
twisting and turning
under the snowy white bridge.
Grandma's Beckon.
Hurry home child!


The Frog never stood a chance
Grabbed by one back leg.
And stuffed into a pocket.
As bare feet bounded
onto the golden streets.


"You are my Sunshine"
A young mans voice Calls
to those who weep.
"My Only Sunshine"
His rich, deepening voice adds.

Running, hopping,
stopping to turn a few flips
before Dancing
into the Golden glowing light.

A sense of peace and Love
overwhelming: fills my own soul.
As my hand struggles
fighting it's way from dream world
reaching for the Jingle
calling to it.

Pulling my mind
back to Earth.

Eyes turning to the clock.
Eyes wide open now
I lift the phone to hear
the Broken Father sob
"Kelby is no Longer with us"
and I now know
that I have witnessed
the Death of an angel.


written By : Patricia Sawyer
8-13-2008




Kelby Ray Stone
BARNWELL — Kelby Ray Stone, 13, son of Clifton Ray and Sheri Stanley Stone died Friday, August 1, 2008, at his home.
Kelby was born September 13, 1994, in Orangeburg, SC. He attended the Barnwell Public School Special Education Class. He was a loving son, brother, and grandson and will be missed by all of his family and friends.
Funeral services will be held at 4 p.m. Monday, August 4, 2008, at Trinity Baptist Church. Burial will follow in the church cemetery. Visitation with the family will be held from 6-8 Sunday evening at Mole Funeral Home.
Survivors include his parents of Barnwell; a sister, Karissa Stone of Barnwell, SC; paternal grandparents, Nancy Holder, Billy and Barbara Stone of Sanford, NC; maternal grandparents, Marvin and Kay Stanley of Barnwell, SC. He was predeceased by His maternal grandmother, Marilyn Bowers.