"Life stinks, but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it."
~ Dustin Hoffman
"The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire."
~ Dave Barry
"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping."
~ Bo Derek
I wonder if anyone noticed me not being here? Maybe not... but just in case I am going to attempt to make a quick post before this crazy DSL modem flashes; then blinks off and on; and turns red all around. It drives me completely insane. I want to take it outside and lay it out on a cement slab and beat the crap out of it with a hammer... give it a good reason to blink and flash it's lights at me... See I told you.. Completely insane...
It might not be so bad if Tech support could offer me some tidbit of helpful advice or might say they were having DSL trouble in my area.. I try desperately not to call them.. I restart the computer and restart the Modem even though God knows it restarts itself every five minutes...
Or even sooner if it catches me trying to do anything important or maybe it will let me get almost a whole poem wrote before it wipes me out... It hates me I think!..And NO I am not going to be playing any games of any kind that will automatically cause it to restart.....
I have everything that can be disabled... disabled... I have downloaded stuff that one of the first of them swore I needed to make it run better... Then the next one told me to disable all that new stuff.... And still my modem laughs at me and blinks his red light and flashes the green one that is never supposed to flash and the women on the other end of this God Forsaken phone line says.. " Now we PING!"... I screamed at her that "I CANNOT PING!" I am not on-line and she says I am ... she argues that she can see me on-line and Now we Ping!... I scream for her to PING ME! I cannot PING HER!
I tell her that I have red lights and she says P-I-N-G- as if I need her to spell Ping... I am still looking at a million time restarted Moden that has a blinking light where it is supposed to be solid green and a red one where there is supposed to be no RED and she is spelling Ping to me... I ask her if this is my Box.. she says it is and informed me that I paid for it when they hookered~( as she said it!) ~me up.. I decided right then that I was going to kill my modem.. she just said it was mine and if I really paid what she said I did.. I was also going to demand a refund after I finished killing the red light blinking; won't stay on-line piece of junk! I was trying to remember where I left the hammer.... Just about that time she starts talking to me slow and loudly as if I am a moron and I loose all control and I tell her that I plan to beat the crap out of this silver box and that she can please attach a note to my account that I will be cancelling all service with them and another thing.. I have it in writing that they promised satisfaction Guaranteed... I hardly think the first ten minutes that I had their service counts as satisfaction.. I am going to be wanting my money back not to mention that I want every minute back that I have paid for and couldn't stay on-line... I was still trying to remember where the hammer was...
Blubbering to silence I took a shuddering deep breath as she said "Hold on a minute please and stay on the line"... I was scared... was it against the law to threaten a modem?.. It would be my luck that it would be.. Not to mention I was pretty sure that she knew I am insane... At that very moment the box flashed three times and all the lights became a beautiful green...I was reaching out to choke it when the Lady came back on the line and said.. I am overnighting you a new modem.. please stay calm until it arrives... I am trying really hard to stay calm until then.. I have promised not to beat this one with a hammer since they will be wanting it back as part of the warranty.. I have only cursed it a few times today.. It allowed me to do My Entre-card drops with only five restarts.. I did glance at facebook for about five seconds once today.. I read my E-mail early but since then no luck with that.. I knew Over night wouldn't really mean I'd get it today.. I figure overnight means maybe I'll get it before the end of the week... Until then I won't be posting much.. I tricked it this time into letting me post by saving and restarting and doing a million copy and pastes... It has most likely figured out that method and won't let me sneak by with that again.. and to be honest.. I am done trying to get the best of this modem.. I will be trying to remain calm until the new one arrives... and if that doesn't help.. I'll be the woman on the evening news for killing a blinking; flashing; aggravating modem... with a hammer...
Until then enjoy my "self portrait" Haiku and leave me a comment if you understand it.. or if you don't... some Haiku take a lot of thought to understand I guess... But this one is pretty simple.. Have a nice day!
("self portrait" haiku.. a haiku that tells something about yourself.. maybe something others can not readily see..)
my anger flares
black as a buzzards wing~
I put on a smile
written by: Patricia sawyer