Wednesday, July 8, 2009
It's Weird Wednesday! Are Y'all ready for this???
"In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they`re still beautiful." ~ Alice Walker
"The celebrity world can be so ugly. Everyone seems to have slept with everyone else and it`s some sort of strange weird cycle. I don`t want to get into that." ~ Eva Mendes
"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look.
It works in reverse, too.
When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose,
I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person." ~ P.J. O'rourke
Howdy! Howdy! and welcome to another weird Wednesday! Actually this whole week as been weird for me. Sunday was the weirdest day I have had in a long while but I'll save that story for another day.. I'm still thinking on some of it and I don't like to tell a story till I'm all done thinking on it.. who knows.. maybe something weird will come to my mind and I'll realize that things weren't exactly like I felt them to be.. That's very unlikely in this case but I guess weirder things have happened.. Now on to the weird questions for today! Are you ready for this?
1) When you walk past mirrors or large windows, what's the first thing you check in your reflection? ~ Wow I don't check.. am I supposed to check? Maybe I should.. Maybe I should in fact act like a weirdo and check every single time I pass a mirror or any surface that reflects me.. I did notice once that my hair was kinda standing weird and I took my hand and smoothed it down as I walked on.. Then I wondered if it was really standing up weird or was it just a shadow.. either way I had already smoothed it down and I just smiled my weird smile and walked on never looking into any other glass... I guess I'll think about that now and every time I pass glass I'll stop and stare at myself.. I'll become a fancy pants weirdo.. see what you have done?
2:) ~ When swimming, if you really need to pee, how likely are you to just go where you are? ~ Do you know how weird it would be if I said well I'll just tinkle right here in this pool .. NOT! that's my pool I'm in and no one better not Pee in my pool.. I know people do it.. I think it's nasty.. get out dry your feet and go to the bathroom.. are you one of those weird pee swimming fools? Who wants to swim in their own or anyone Else's pee? Me and Dave went to the beach Friday and I was having a pretty good time.. I even got in the water for a change.. I don't get in there often because we all know with a gazillion people there someone has peed.. Most likely a lot of them have.. I was swimming along fine until suddenly I saw this thing in the water.. I wasn't sure at first what it was.. I looked at it twice then three times as it floated closer to me.. I was just about to pick it up and toss it into a wave when I realized it was a TURD!.. yes!! a big fat turd.. That was the third time I have seen turds floating in the water at the beach.. see why I don't go in the water at the Beach! I'm not afraid a shark will bite me.. I'm not weird.. I just don't want any ones turd to bump into me.. and if that makes me weird then I will proudly be weird.. Go to the restroom .. don't be weird and use the bathroom in the same water you are swimming in!!! And if I catch you doing that.. you will know just how weird I can be!!!!
3:) ~Have you ever tampered with some one's food? ~ This is a weird question and I actually have a weird answer for it.. I know that everyone will think I am weird from now on but anyway here is the truth.. Once many years ago I worked in a factory.. Every day I carefully packed my lunch in a brown bag.. I always had a sandwich and if I was lucky I might have a bite left over from supper the night before in a separate plate.. I couldn't smoke on that particular job so I always carried gum in my bag too.. There came a time when for what ever weird reason every single day when I would get ready for lunch.. mt bag would be sitting right there on my shelf but when I'd get to the cafeteria all my food would be gone.. what was even weirder was that they would leave all the wrappers from the gum and my sandwich tossed in the bag.. I told my boss and he laughed at me.. I was mad at that.. I tried to catch them and no matter how close I watched they still managed to get my groceries every single day.. Then one of the other girls told me.. feed them something nasty and I hit upon a weird plan... I changed what I brought to lunch over the next week. Every day I brought a chocolate bar. I switched from sticks of gum to chicklets.. I brought my sandwich still but I started adding a little horseradish to the mayo.. I even told everyone that Horseradish was supposed to help you loose weight.. I also started bringing a thermos full of coffee and I sweetened it.. I hated sweet coffee but the thief loved it.. they drank all of it every day too.. Now it really gets weird.. after about a week of this changing I decided the time was right.. That day I brought my chocolate bar.. only it was switched with e-lax.. the generic brand has no writing on it.. it looked just like my candy.. The chicklets I switched with feen-a-mint.. The horseradish in the mayo hid the crushed Epsom salt real good and that coffee was sweetened with syrup of black draught.. every bite was laced with laxative.. I was the last from my group to go to lunch.. I went for my bag and just as I figured it was empty as was my thermos.. I hurriedly ate a pack of crackers and drank some of that weird and nasty machine coffee as I waited to see what would happen next.. I was rared back in the cafeteria when I heard a wail unlike anything I have ever heard before or since.. I ran out just in time to see the woman who worked right along side me grab her butt and wail again.. she would fold over and hold her stomach and then rare back and grab her butt.. there were weird sounds coming from her belly and her behind.. I didn't know rather to laugh or to cry.. I did pray that she wouldn't die.. She didn't die but she was in the hospital for a few days.. I guess I should be sorry.. weirdly I am not.. she stole my lunch for over a year every single day.. if she hadn't been stealing my food she wouldn't have got laxatives.. and the truly weird thing is.. she is the one that told me to feed them something nasty! I would like to add that I could have carried a gold plate after that and NO ONE touched it.. I don't even think they looked at my shelf! The truth of the matter is that No I haven't tampered with any ones food I did however tamper with mine once!
4:) ~ What's the best thing to do right after sex? ~ snuggle ...then sleep.. unless of course you want to talk in which case wake me up if I fall asleep.... I hate these weird sex questions..
5:) What's something that people do in traffic that really annoys you? I could write a book on this.. I think while you are driving you should drive only.. don't look at the picture your child colored in Day care.. don't talk on the phone unless it's an emergency in which case you should pull off the road.. don't try to look at the short skirted lady in the car next to you.. don't read or apply make up.. don't try to see if the farmer down across yonder has planted corn or sun flowers.. in fact be weird and simply DRIVE!
6:) ~ When was the last time you cried and why? ~Why do you need to know this? Are you the tears police or something weird like that? I cried today.. I cried yesterday too.. I might cry again later tonight or maybe I'll wait till tomorrow.. Tears cleanse the soul they say.. I think I have a really clean soul... for years and years I never ever cried.. I was cried out I said.. then like a spring unleashed I started crying again.. I'm weird and I know it.. I might cry now! Sometimes I know why I cry.. sometimes I don't.. does that make me weird?
7:) ~ Do you own a gravy boat? As a matter of fact I do.. in fact I own a couple of them.. y'all know I'm weird and have all kinds of strange items here.. I am surprised that any one cares though.. I am also surprised that anyone still knows what a gravy boat is.. and for those of you who don't know it's a short and long pitcher that holds gravy on the table.. the old time ladies wouldn't be caught dead with gravy in just a bowl.. they were weird like that.. Fancy.. now we never all sit down together so the table manners and the gravy boats.. are getting tossed..
8:) ~ Among your friends, which would you choose as the next Pope? ~ Oh Please!!! Now you are really being weird.. You don't know any of my friends do you?.. I don't even think any of them are Catholic.. Do you have to be Catholic to be the Pope?.. wouldn't it be weird to have a Pope that wasn't Catholic? I am just laughing here..I can't really think of one of my friends who could be Pope.. I think you have to be Catholic and even if not then you have to be like a good person and not a big sinner... You really don't think I have a friend like that do you?
I mean we don't go around killing people or stealing or anything bad... but the Pope?? Can the Pope curse? Most of my friends Curse... Doesn't the Pope have to be a virgin? I don't know any of those.. at least not any grown ones.. And I'm almost sure the Pope can't have ever been drinking... I guess my Friend Frank could be the closest thing to the Pope that I know.. He's a Preacher and a Good man.. and if he ever did any of those other things .. he left them behind long ago when he gave his life to God.. My brother David would be next in line after Frank of the people I know.... Neither of them are Catholic but you said of my friends and If I had to choose those two would be the top two on my list if they had to come from my friends.... That was a weird question because we all know that the Pope has to be Catholic..
That's it for tonight.. That's all of the weird questions and my weird answers for this week.. I hope you had a laugh.. Maybe you even learned something.. how weird would that be!??
I'm still laughing at one of my friends being the Pope.. I gotta tell y'all that weird as it sounds I am also laughing at the memory of the thief who ate my food.. I know I should be sorry.. and I am sorry she was sick... but I guess as weird as it sounds I made her a better person because I'd bet you money she has never stolen food again! I promise that you would have laughed too... OK OK I'm weird.. I admit it!
Speaking of weird.. yesterday I was going to pay my cell phone bill and I passed a guy holding a sign.. when I came out of the end of the road he waved it in my direction.. It said ~ Homeless Please help!! ~ Now it didn't say he would work for food or anything like that.. I with all my weirdness was about to tell Dave to stop when Dave.. Lord bless Him.. said.. " If he's homeless and needs help where did he get cigarettes?" Then taking a good look at him I realized that he had expensive; bottled; enriched with vitamins; water sitting by his feet.. His feet were wearing Sketches shoes and he was puffing away. He also had a couple of food bags by his chair.. I really wanted to help and yet I had to wonder if he really was homeless. And if he was homeless why wasn't he at a Church somewhere seeking help instead in the intersection in front of the Wal-mart? Am I weird or was he just scamming?? I am still worried about him he was young and pitiful looking.. Praying for him can't hurt.. Maybe you will pray for him too! Have a great Night! Watch out for the weirdo's!